Sometime i think i'm suppose to quit thinking of the posiibilities of untying stuffs that are meant to be ours, but actually suposedly not. Upteen times i have try to stress out the impossible, but i doubt something like that will ever change.

i should get the hell out of this place, before i drive myself in deeper shit.

Fast.

***

I was made a fool; so was he.

__________________________

Marz-chan can't help but wonder.

and she still does'nt get the answer

__________________________

Don't bully nii-chan she said. You can have them for all she care.

__________________________

demo, you don't own them.

Kantan deshou?

***

am feeling rather crappy and moody rite now. i feel like slacking my way through 5ive. but i have stuffs to clear before i leave for my hols. YAWN. i'm waiting for de hamel to be in facebook. i miss him truck loads!

I'm using facebook to enlighten my days at work. haha, me finally admit it. all the application invites are killing me. but i'll get through it. i've been smiling like a mad cow infront of the pc and BL is getting suspicious. bluek. get me off the engine stuffs and i'll stop straying. haha. that's a lie though. =P

"Nurwahidah Wahid has sent Mr Grumpy to Dom Lee"

I told you i can't help myself. the madness in facebook is manipulating my mind. welcome to the real world of facebooking Marzchan~ =P

I'm darn pissed off today but I ain't have mood to bitch about them today. Oh well.

I can't believe that I'm frequenting JobsDB again.  And I received another hotmail. Freaking hot! And once again my mind is in a state of confusion again. One thing for sure I'm taking leave next Friday.

Why are all my interviews on Friday. I should have just accepted that job offer from Emerson last year, maybe I should stop asking Tomtom when' s his last day, and start asking myself that. Heck it. I'm hoping before end of this year.

Akanishi you're 24 today. Happy Birthday love!

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANNA DO TO BL RIGHT NOW !!!!

kyo ne AGM meeting kimashita!

I'm a bit lazy to go but am feeling hungry cause me ain't eat lunch at noon. have no idea why, but me feeling fat. been eating junkiez the whole month. it did'nt help when i meet up with julz (cause she seldom eat) cause i kept stuffing things down my throat still. lol. so saturday. mission failed.

it's been ages since i met up with my ivan and gopiz. Am missing them so much. i dunnoe why, but sometimes hanging around with a different cliques feels much more at home. yawn. it's the 11th ever since i started typing this. and another one just escaped. i need to be supervise when i'm at work else, i kept slacking off when BL's not here. 29 days to Japan! Something to look forward too.

yawn~ blogger is a bit too bored to even type here. till then!

P/s: yawned 26 times while typing this.

Tusmaranai  kyo!

In less than 72 hours more. Dearest BL *bluek. puke puke* will be back in the office. Time flies very fast  when you’re having  fun and I did enjoy it very much especially without the presence of Queen Bee too. Double Hapiness!! Instead of cleaning up on the errors and following up on stuffs etc, yours truly, never failed to screw up an order big time. I’m hoping so much that it’ll be mundane for me next week, else as everyone can guess it’ll be a hella of week, with meetings and explaination and I hate it. let’s just pray that as antagonizing as it can get, I’ll be getting through tem all without flaring up.

I miss my Japanese friends in Japan. Life use to revolve around them. Birthday, hangouts, kicking balls, outings and almost everything and I’m glad I’ll be reviving the friendship kanji back when I go visit them soon, oh and yea to Kat-tun concert also. I can’t wait to wave their uchiwa and let myself be buried with love from their songs. UWAHHHH!!! Ok I’m excited. 51 days more to the concert. And I still am deciding between Jin and Maru’s uchiwa. Doshiokana atashi? Maa, itsukana date ne.

Zukin is turning 22 tommorrw. Being 22 is sweet. Just don’t overdo it then everything else will be perfect. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

marz-chan desu. (i wanted use dayo instead of desu, but i figured out i should'nt lie about it since i'm feeling darn sian)

it's already after lunch and i feel so sleepy. came home real late last nite and i don't think that i can last for another long nite for another japanese saga. it's simple, both retards just ain't talking right and they are so contradicting on whatever they say. i've never thought that i'll stuck up till so late, but one thing for sure; it was really amusing. i kept sniggering when i heard stupid remarks escaped from their mouth. i was'nt involved. me and kura just sat on couch watching blady tv, while eavesdropping. oh well. even a 24 year old person can be really childish when it comes to saving their asses.

baby monster was creating a scene again yesterday night. mumsy called and asked me when i was coming home. she sounded a lil' dissapointed when i replied "not any sooner". went straight home after feeling guilty. LOLx. only to be greeted by the loud wailings of the baby. Gah~ and i thought he would alreay be asleep by then. wash his tear-streaken face and cooed him to sleep on me bed with him still clinging on to me. i've absoulutely no idea what he's terrified off. he only started loosening off at 3am. i was still in dreamland when he hugged me at 0530. no point in arguing with a baby for the other 30 mins left. and surprisingly he was an angel today. i left him watching animal planet and get myself ready for work. gave him his milk and he totally did'nt bother me like every other morning. surprised? yes. cause he always makes me miss my morning milk. then i'll have to moo my way in the office to niichan place for milk. tomtom called it bull's milk, but he's an idiot so let's not bother him. ok that was mean. lovable idiot just like niichan. hmmm.. but nope niichan's nice. ok like domsy. yeap. domsy. that fits purrrfectly well.

neways, babies will always be babies. good and rough times, they sure know how to cheer you up. and no matter how many times you get pissed with them, you can't make yourself to hate them. me wanna be a baby too. but i guess that's not fair. this turn out pretty long. been slacking off my arse for the last 20 mins. i don't get this kinda freedom in the office that much you know. trish is being a bitch again. but it's ok cause she's a nice bitch. one that i won't get bored off. hee~

ok back to freeport stuffs- mata ne!

God. I've been trying to concentrate and I just can't the incident this morning is actually getting into me. Thinking about it makes me mad even more. and i thought i was so over it already.

Off to Weely niichan. i need milk to calm me down man.

this is so amusingly funny. i heard her saying those darn stuffs about me. instead of feeling crap i feel that she is being very childish.  

how could she say those stuffs. doesn't she know that it's almost as public enough as it can get? tt's the f* toilet for heaven's sake.  i wished i have recorded  it but i didn't.  even if i did, what will i gain by letting others know? won't it just show that i'm no smarter than her; furthermore, well, it's not as if i own them.

oh well. i'm screwed up enough already. i don't need  the extra haversack to carry all this junk load.  

*i made this private but I'm making it public already cause the past is past why dwell on it.*

Bleach - Here to stay.

The beautiful memories are haunting me back, i would have listened to this almost everyday when i feel depressed. the band days where dad actually wanted to pull me out of band. was such an example. Why does it have to come to this? i missed my carefree life where there was no such thing as arguements.  me with me friends and whom i will never be bored with. me who will always think that my friends will forever be with me. me who never fail to stand up for my friends.

I can't believe how much time have change me. i'm being much more reserved than i ever was and never would i believe that the word trust is fading away. the only reason that i'm staying on is because i'm afraid to walk out of my comfort zone. My mind now is in a state of confusion.  Never would i be saying this but i can't help to feel this way. maybe it is true on what others say. it is hurting to admit it but i know that i will no longer be that person. i will no longer be that friend. I erased the earlier phrase of " i am no longer that person, i am no longer that friend; cause i believe that i can make it better.

Though i may not be able to be that person anymore, i would never want to end it now. I want to be able to laugh and cry with you. to be able to stop all this doubts on you and to be able to trust you. that's the reason why i've been hanging on too. my friendship with you. the only treasure that i would never surrender. i'll remember this - the simple steps for me to trust is to start believing. i have said this and i'm saying this again

i'm here to stay - the promise that i made

and for this song i'll remember .......................